I was driving to work a couple days ago and realized I don't know how to fully trust God to guide my life. It's been a dream of mine for a long time that I'd be a writer, I've prayed to God about it but deep down I know now it's been only half-hearted.
Honestly I feel a bit confused about my desire to want to write, my lack of inspiration, my lack of work ethic or laziness to actually commit thoughts to paper, pangs of selfishness for wanting more from life, fear of rejection (or is it fear of success?), uncertainty of turning this wishful talent into something worth the time of God and loved ones.
It's easy to talk myself out of the effort of writing and exchange it for a moment's dream of already having written a beautiful piece that others would love always or a while. I'd like to write a novel, but for a long time I've only been able to write bits of verse. I believe now I have enough notebooks and loose papers to make a small book. How amazing would that be! I've made a small step to piece it together, these disjointed phrases of imagination and imagery.
I pray and must pray deeply that I trust God with this dream of mine. I must learn to let enough of my pride go and gain enough wisdom to know to listen when God is speaking to me. It sounds like easy conjecture, but it's not easy for me!
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this. Maybe with this new blog I can exercise enough writing muscle to get in shape :-)